Meet Lester

And they even have a side of beef! Mmmmzzzzzz.... my favourite! It must have looked good. I can almost taste it from here. Mmmmzzzzzz.... And Myiagros did all His work! At least He iz good for something! That meanz more for me!!! Heeeeee!

What? Who are you? You can zee me?

How about now?

Heeee! Weeee! Really? How wonderful! I can’t believe it! Where do I start? Where do I begin!? Gee. That’z a toughy. Perhapz at the beginning? That’z what all you mortalz do, right? Hmmm.... I can’t remember. I think zzzzzzzzo.

No. No I don’t think that will do. I should start where I’ve alwayz started. At the end.

Mmmmzzzzzzzzzzz...

I am the proverbial fly on the wall. Not what you expected, right? Like, I’m a REAL fly! Heee. That’z alright. I know all about ztrange exepectationz! Loop-de-loop, loop-de-loop!

Did you know that I am the ONLY fly in ALL of the god world? It’z true! Heeee! I used to be like everyone else. Can you blame me? You know what those carcasses are like. Lambs and fish and beef. Mmmmzzzzzzzzz.... Zo me and zome friends would go around looking for the good ones. You know. The fattest and the freshest dead. Yummy.

Except! Except! Except that Myiagros! Every time we found a REALLY good one, He would show up and shew us away!

ZZZ!!!!

Can you believe it? Makes you just want to take a chunk right out of Him! What do the Gods want with carcasses anyways. Why do they need to eat? The worst part was, the best onez were ALWAYZ for the Gods. ALWAYZ!

So one day, I found this beautiful winged horse. Can you imagine how tasty wings must be on a horse? And that’s when I overheard it. Someone named Bellerophon owned this horse, and he was on his way to the god world. Can you believe my luck? Can you even begin to imagine all the wonderful, beautiful carcasses that must be in the god world? Mmmmzzzzzzzzzz.... if you only knew.

So I hitched a ride. Best idea I ever had. We went up and up and up and up and up. Like this: zzzzZZZZZ! Except, as we got closer, I got a little frightened. He was flying so fast! I accidentally stung the horse. Some flies can’t do that, but I’m a gad-fly. So that means I can. Just so you know.

I just wanted the nice horse to slow down. But instead, it bucked off Bellerophon. Can you believe it? I was shocked! He just fell all the way back down, and the nice horse kept going. Of course, when I got up to the god world, I explained EVERYTHING to a guy who had all these thunderbolts (in case he knew where the carcasses were). He was actually really happy! But I don’t know why. He said he’d make me a Proverb, as long as I promised not to tell anyone what really happened. That’s like a mini-god, or something. Now I get to live forever! Loop-de-loop, loop-de-loop!

Zeus – that’s the guy that I talked to who had the thunderbolts – He said I could even work for the gods if I wanted to. (That’s Him down there, talking to that other guy. His Son I think. Weee!). I stay away from most of Them; They don’t much like gad-flies I think. Probably all friendz with that Myiagros guy. Jerk. Zzzz.

What waz I saying? Oh yeah! Work! So sometimes I work for Zeus! He has such a good name. He taught me to control my z’s and s’s. Except sometimez I forget. Like when I get angry!!! It’z just zzzzo hard!

Working is zo much fun though. I get to go and spy on people! And you know what’s really interesting? When people wish they were me, it’s actually not that good. I’ve been in rooms with lots of CEOs and special celebrities, and you know what? It’s boring! They do what normal people do. I’ve seen some queens lose their heads (mmmmzzzzzzz..... the perks of this job!) and I’ve been around when religious icons were condemned to death. But I’ve also been to someone getting a promotion and someone getting fired. Secret meetings seem almost more boring that regular meetings. There isn’t much difference between ‘em, and yet I always hear people say they want to be me.

I wonder why people say things like that. I thought people wanted to know different stuff. Maybe they think they’re all different? Do YOU think you’re different?

Wait.... Are you a mini-god gad-fly?

Zzzzz! Maybe you are the fly on the wall for the fly on the wall. Crazzzzzzzzzzy. Loop-de-loop, loop-de-loop!

Okay, since you’re a fellow god-gad-fly, I’ll let you in a secret. Heee! People really change right around the time when they don’t even care about me. You know when people really discuss their feelings or show their true colours? Right after all those big meetings. If you want the juicy stuff, don’t go to the beheading – go to the administrator’s office right beforehand. Same for promotions. Go to the coworker’s bench right after the announcement. It doesn’t get any better than that!

I wonder why people think it does. Maybe they’re pretending. Or maybe they just want to believe it does. Oh that would be fun! Make believe, make believe! Zzzzz! Maybe they like to imagine that it must be something different from what they’re used to. Some unseen, unknown force. Maybe they think the gods are secretly in those secret rooms, behind those closed doors. Heee. Nope! Just me. Wheeee!

You know when is a really good time to watch people? Right before a party, or right after one. It’s weird. I’ve watched people leave a dozen times, and as soon as the door closes, it’s like they transform. They change.

Like, one time, I had to watch these two people get ready to go out. They were going to one of those places that serves that sweet, sweet liquid. They were all excited, and were even drinking it early. They were talking about their hopes and dreams, and how they were going to... ummm.... Do you know what “rock it” means? I dunno. But they said it! They were going to rock it.

I was zzzo excited, I had to follow them! But as soon as they left, they changed. They talked normally. They had some of that liquid stuff (and they spilled some too! Mmmmzzzzzzzz). They talked to some others and laughed. But it seemed like they were completely different people.

And then, when they got back, they transformed again! They started talking and analyzing their time and all the girls they met, and what they had said, and should have said, and how the atmosphere was, and how over priced the appies were, and loop-de-loop! They didn’t act like that earlier. Earlier they acted like they didn’t even care about that stuff. It was so weird. And everyone does that.

Maybe all humans like to play pretend. Silly humans. If they all pretend, then who is real? Maybe just us flies are real.

LOOK! See over there? See? Aphrodite’s here! Mmmmzzzzzzzz.... loop-de-loop, loop-de-loop! She’s never on time. I wish I could work with Her. I asked once. She said I would ruin the mood. I wonder why?

This is fun. My name’s Lester, by the way. What’s yours? Will you wait here in the corner with me? We’re allowed to follow the food out when they’re all done. It’s the best stuff, remember? It’ll be great! Wheee!