The Yearning (Reply)

I’ve never done this kind of thing before.

This is embarrassing. I am not sure where to start.

I read your ad and, I don’t know, something about it really spoke to me. There is a longing in you that I sense in myself, although I’ve never been able to define it the way you did. I mean, I want to share dinner with someone too. I used to love cooking, but now I mostly eat frozen dinners. They cover all the food groups so I get all the nutrients I need, and they’re not always bland. Sometimes the pastas are pretty good.

There are never any leftovers, so it’s a new meal every night. That’s something.

Anyway, my point is that something is missing from my life too. I am looking to be saved too. At this point I’m pretty much willing to sacrifice anything for a bit of love. Only a bit of love, mind you – I’m willing to sacrifice myself for just a few really good dinners, if that’s all you’ve got.

I should probably tell you something about myself. I’m still not sure where to start. You didn’t go into specifics in your ad – I have no idea what you look like, or how old you are, or what you do for a living - so I don’t know if I should do the same. I should be honest, though, regardless of how I go about it. Ok, I am taking a deep breath, and I am telling you about me, and I am telling the truth:

I am plain. There’s nothing really extraordinary about me, but I wouldn’t say I’m boring or ugly. I’ve always hated the word ‘mousy’ – it barely describes anything, I don’t have whiskers or a tail or long front teeth – but I think some people might call me mousy, for whatever that’s worth. I guess I blend in more than anything.

I’ve gotten really used to my life, which most people would probably describe as dull. I work in a doctor’s office. My day is all filing, phones, and old people. I’m used to watching people wipe their noses on their sleeves and cough without covering their mouths. One piece of advice I can offer is, never touch the magazines in a doctor’s office.

I have a cat. I have a couple of good friends, although I spent most evenings alone. I’ve become accustomed to mediocrity, I guess. Things are fine.

I think I may be a cliché. I never intended to become a cliché. Though love is a cliché, isn’t it? Makes sense that I am yearning for it then. I’ve been thinking about that word a lot these days: yearning. I don’t know where it came from (I should do some research, I’m sure it has its roots in Greek myth, all the best words do), but I like the sound of it. It sounds like the noise a baby bird makes. It sounds like longing. It sounds like a really pretty song played on the piano that you hear coming through your neighbor’s window.

Sometimes I get kind of melancholy, as I’m sure you can tell.

But other times I feel like a kaleidoscope on the inside. I mean, if you could see the colors inside me you would be amazed. Sometimes I am amazed that I can hold such a rainbow of color flowing through me. Inside my head and my heart it’s a rainforest of birds and flowers. Sometimes it’s like the sun has exploded and inside me the supernova is pulsing out its last few desperate bursts of light. All I want is love, and I am full to bursting with hunger for it. I would really like to share the colors inside me with someone.

When I read your ad I recognized myself. I think you’ve seen the colors too. I just want to spend an evening on the couch with someone. I don’t want to be mediocre forever.

I might cook myself dinner tonight. If you’re interested, please write.